“(Name)?” There was three light knocks on my door and I rolled over on my bed to face away from the intruder, even if she was my mother. “(Name)?” she said again and eased the door open and walked in. “Honey it’s time to get up, you’ll be late.” She walked in to the room and I let out a feeblish excise for a cry.
“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…..” I moaned out and pulled the blankets up to my face. “I-I,” I didn’t want to lie to her, but I also just didn’t want to go to school, I didn’t want to run into what happened yesterday all over again. “I-I don’t feel good mama.”
“Really?” She asked and walked over to me lying on my bed. It wasn’t a total lie; I didn’t feel good at all with my emotions because I’m a hormonal teenage girl. “Do you have a fever? Is your stomach upset?”
I shook my head and looked over my shoulder at her, “No, I just don’t feel good, I-“ I stopped and curled back into a ball. “I want to stay home today, if that’s okay. I might get even sicker if I go out and do things at school.”
She didn’t say anything for some time but soon she came closer to my bed, bending over and placing a kiss on the side of my head, “Okay honey, you can stay home for today. If you need anything you can just call me at work, I don’t have a case or anything today so I should be free for now. Remember your father is working late today and will be home at noon.”
Smiling in content I roll over and look at her with lazy tired eyes. “Thanks mom, have a nice day at work. Love you,”
“Thanks (Name), love you too,” She smiled and quietly left as I rolled back and hugged my pillow to death as I rocked back into a terrible form of sleep.
Later that afternoon I woke up and it was sometime around eleven I rolled out of bed and crawled down stairs to get something to eat. As I munched on a bowl of bland cereal I checked my phone, I got six texted messages from my friends. They were all asking if I was okay and why I wasn’t in school. Karyan even said she was so worried she’d stop over and give me my homework and todays notes for any classes.
The sound of ruffling clothes and shoes on the floors in the hall way let me know dad was home. “Hey Dad,” I called as he rounded the corner into the kitchen. I was sitting at the smaller breakfast table eating away when he came in and gave me a tired smile.
Yawning as he walked over and ruffled up my hair he yawned “Good Morning peanut, what are doing home?”
“Don’t feel good, why are you late?” I took in another mouth full of the cereal and munched away as dad pulled off his doctors coat and handed it to me along with his other hospital cards and keys. I put on his oversized coat and rolled the sleeves up watching him get a coffee.
“There was a car crash up town over by Lake Render, along City Corner and three causalities along with four in critical. It was caused by a trucker sleeping at the wheel going down the hill at Lake Render. Twelve people in all were affected by this. I had three surgeries in a row with no breaks.” He explained and poored the black coffee into a white mug and filled it with four table spoons of sugar and a lot of creamer.
“Lose anyone?” I asked as dad sat down a cross from me at the breakfast table. He nodded his head and rested his head in the palm of his hand.
“A young girl, she was from out of town visiting friends from her records. We got her into surgery and we had to remove all of the blood from her internal bleeding, we didn’t know her ribs punctured her lungs and she drowned in her own blood. We didn’t work fast enough.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. I reached a crossed the table and poked his arm making him look up at me. I knew how bad it was for dad to lose someone during surgery, when he is so close to saving their life and making the world right again, he loses and they die because he wasn’t good enough.
“It’s okay dad, I’m sure you tried your best.” He gave me a shallow smile and rubbed one of his tired eyes. I turned back to the last of my cereal and slurped down the milk in the bottom of the bowl.
“And what happens to be wrong with you Miss (Name)? Anything I can do to make you get better soon? Trust me, I’m a doctor,” We both laughed at his quirky little joke and I soon shrugged at him.
“I feel fine, but my feels….my feels. They hurt, do you have anything to make my feelings good?” I asked and I watched him think about it and shake his head.
“Only time can fix that, peanut. That’s all I can give you for hurt feelings. Do you want to tell me what happened? I could hurt a few kids for you if that’s what’ll make you feel better,” He gave me a kind grin and got up from his seat. I did too and took my bowl to the sink.
“No, it’s okay dad, I’ve got things under control,” Control? What is this control you speak off? I have no control! My best friend is my worst enemy right now and I broke up with my teacher because he doesn’t understand that our whole relationship was fucked up and no matter what, everything we did was a risk of being caught and destroying our lives. If that’s what control is called nowadays, then I have got this in the bag.
“Alright, I think I’m going take a nap, if you need anything I’ll be on the couch.” Dad gave me a smile and messed up my hair again before leaving. I slumped over the sink thinking back on myself and then left to return to my cave of a room.
“(Naaaaaaame)~! You up in here?” Karyan’s voice called up the stairs. I clicked off my google chrome and closed down my computer to run over and flop in my bed.
I let out a few coughs and gave a weakened “Yeah, I’m here.” To her. She walked into my room seconds later with all my stuff from school. Shutting the door behind her, Karyan threw everything to the ground and ran over to me giving me a horribly painful hug.
“(Name) I was worried all day! I thought you got the flu and then maybe, just maybe it turned in to cancer! CANCER AND YOU’D DIE! I CAN’T LOSE YOU! I neeeeeeeeeeeeed you!” She cried out. I pushed her away while I shook my head letting out a real cough this time as I tried to catch my breath.
“Kay…..I’m fine! I’m not going to die; I just don’t feel good that’s all. Don’t over think it okay? You tend to do that a lot.” She gave me a pout and she took of her glasses wiping at her blue eyes.
“Sorry, today was just dramatic, the school board and the super intendant is blowing up and tightening up rules now because he saw Mr. Kirkland smoking inside school walls. All classes were canceled for a sudden up bringing lecture in the Auditorium about drugs and smoking. I didn’t go, Alice, Savvy, Roman and I left to go to the Middle school Aud and we hung out there for the rest of the lecture.” Karyan’s words shocked me. I wanted to think about this, I wanted to think about what I missed, I wanted to think about Arthur. But I wouldn’t give in to that.
It seems he can ruin his life without me. He doesn’t need me to do that for him anymore. My bloods begin to boil as realization hits me. If he is willing to get caught smoking and get fired, why isn’t he willing to take a risk for me and my friend? Like he promised? What a fucking dick!
Maybe I was asking too much from him, to go to help Savannah, but that doesn’t matter anymore because Arthur is a fucking hypocrite! I don’t even know anymore. And Savannah knows I’m not seeing Arthur anymore and she has been trying to get ahold of me all day. I don’t want to talk to her either because she’s a fucking bitch too! Why do I hang around these people? Why do I care about them so much and why do I let them use me and hurt me? Karma, I hate you so.
“(Name)? You okay? You look like you’re going to cry,” Karyan pointed out and lightly touched my arm. I flinched away and shook my head.
“I’m fine,” I said and looked away, “I’m fine,”
“Oh, hey I forgot, Drake is down stairs too, he particle paid me to bring him here, he wanted to know if you were okay to because you didn’t answer anyone’s texts this morning.” Well then….I looked at Karyan and shooed her away as I got out of bed with her in follow.
“Okay then,” I said and headed down stairs to find Drake actually talking to my dad on the couch. They were laughing together and seemed to be having a good time.
“Oh (Name) you’re up! Your friends stopped by,” Thanks dad, because I already didn’t know this.
I nodded then looked at Drake as he got up and walked over to me. “I don’t mean to sound rude (Name), but you look horrible. Who stabbed you in the back?” He asked. I gave him a ‘WTF’ look and shook my head.
“It’s nothing I want to talk about. I’ve just been having some trouble with my…ah….Dad what is it called again?” I turned to my father as he was watching TV. “It’s something to do with blood and have a lack of something in it?”
“Low Iron,” he said without looking back at me. See, that wasn’t a full lie too, maybe I do have low iron and I just haven’t been eating enough veggies and fruits.
“Oh, well I hope you get better,” Drake said and I turned back to him. In the background I could hear Karyan getting all giddy. I could tell she wanted to scream Now Kiiiisssssssssssss and ram out heads together. God, why am I alive?
“Yeah, thanks, I plan on being in school tomorrow, but for now I’m just going to sleep for the rest of the day. Thanks for dropping by too, you didn’t have to though.”
“But I wanted to,” He gave a grin and I couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm. “It was no big deal. Hey if you’re up for it tomorrow I could pick you up and give you a ride to school if you like.”
“But I have a car already,” I pointed out and I moved my eyes to the floor. Where is this conversation going?
“Actually (Name),” Dad cut in and he was facing me from the couch, “If your case is low iron and drowsiness I don’t want you driving your car because you can fall asleep at the wheel. I don’t want to fine you in my ER in the morning because if I do you’re grounded from the internet.” His smug and confident smile told me otherwise but with the internet at threat I will get down on my knees and bow for Drake if I had to.
“Uh, yeah, okay I guess. I don’t see why not then,” I shrugged and Drake gave me a smile.
“Alright I’ll pick you up in the morning around seven then, okay?” I nodded and he gave me one last smile before leaving to the door. Karyan popped up instantly as he left giving me the biggest grin ever.
“You’re so lucky. But I don’t care if the hottest guy in school has got a thing for you because that handsome piece of art has to drive me home now! Call me later on Skype okay!” It wasn’t a question, if I didn’t call her later I’d be in hell so I just nodded and gave her a hug as she left.
As I shut the door behind them Dad walks by to the kitchen, probably to start dinner before mom gets home. “You hang out with the creepiest people,” He says to me so bluntly it hurt, right in my feels bro, right in the feels.
Because of the whole sudden lecture thing cause by Arthur and his smoking thing, there was hardly any home work. Although the only classes I did have home work was Latin, Geometry and English. But that’s because fuck me right?
Latin I had to do a translation and write a small paragraph about the origins of the language. For Geometry it was page 486 questions one through twenty-three. And English, we were giving a book to read, Thirteen Reasons Why, and we had to read to chapter six by the end of this week and write a paragraph on what we thought so far.
I couldn’t help it when the English assignment caught my upmost attention, I didn’t know if this was Arthur’s way of communication with me, or what. But I was the one that told him about this book, I never read it, but I thought it would be nice to read. It was a book about a girl and her thirteen reasons for killing herself all recorded on mix tapes and sent to the people that caused her pain. It was something new, and creative. I wish I never told him I wanted to read this book.
“Thanks for giving me a ride to school Drake, you really didn’t have to though,” I smiled to the young man sitting in the driver’s seat of his fancy red car.
Returning the smile he nodded and said. “Yeah, it’s no problem (Name), really it’s cool.”
I simple nodded my head and turned to face out my window. I watched tress, kids, houses and building go by as I fiddled with my bag sitting on my lap. I jumped out of my skin squeaked when Drake spoke up again.
He gave a glance at me and grinned, “Jeeze (Name), what’s making you scared like a little girl?” He teased.
I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “It’s nothing, I’m fine,”
“Really? You don’t sound like it,”
Sighing I looked back out the window and tightened my grip on my backpack, “I’m fine,” I said and sucked in a short breath biting my lip. “I’m fine.”
The ride to school in my opinion was horrible, I wanted some alone time driving to school, give myself a little pep talk and tell myself everything was going to be okay no matter how much of a lie it could be.
Drake on the other hand kept on prying and picking, he knew I was upset but I wouldn’t tell him. I didn’t want to and it wasn’t something I was looking forward to talking about at all. I also didn’t want to go to my next class only because I knew someone would be in there judging me like the hypocrite I imagine he’d be.
My first class of the day was with Mr. Beilschmidt, and Savannah told me that she informed Ludwig that I got her to spill the beans about them. I have a feeling he’ll think I’m some threat and hate me or something. Savannah also said she told him about my failed relationship with Arthur, so I feel Mr. Beilschmidt will be judging me about that too.
I sucked in a breath and tightened my grip around my binders standing in front of the Geometry class room staring at my feet. I was about to take a step into the room when I was stopped.
“(Name)? What are you doing, didn’t you get the news?” Jumping in fear I spun around to come face to face with none other than my Geometry teacher in the flesh. Mr. Beilschmidt stood in front of me with a stern face staring me down with hard cold and unforgiving eyes. I can see why Savannah likes him, their personality are both bitter and cold on the outside and scaring anyone that looks at them.
“W-what do you mean, sir?” I asked, my voice was hushed and I didn’t look at him anymore, instead my eyes looked at the ground. Mentally I was preparing myself for humiliation.
“Oh ja, that’s right you weren’t here yesterday,” Mr. Beilschmidt cleared his throat pressing on with the topic. “I don’t work here as of this moment right now, Your Geometry classes is cancelled for the rest of this week until they find someone to replace me, you are to report to the library for homeroom and first period until further notice.” He informed me, I slowly then looked up at him with confusion.
“What? But you’re a great teacher sir,” I started and thought about it. Anger slightly flared inside me and I frowned hushing my voice. “This isn’t about Savannah is it? Or anything to do with you and her?” I instantly regretted ever saying that because he turned and glared at me. “I-I mean, no one has found out yet right? O-other th-than me?”
He sucked in a breath and turned so his back to me, “No, but the school board is not convinced with the answers we gave them. They said they would stop the investigation if I quit my job, no questions asked. End of story,”
I blinked a few times and walk up to stand next to him. “I’m sorry, sir, I wish I could have helped in some way.”
“Nien, it’s fine (Name). This is not your fault,” He reassured, although it felt like my fault, I don’t know why it did. Things were going to get better if he left, at least then most of his and Savannah’s problems would go away. “Auf Wiedersehen, (Name), it was nice meeting you, I hope we run into each other again in the future.” He gave a wave of his hand and started walking down the empty halls.
A pang of sympathy hit me as I turned and headed in the other direction and a wave of depression crashed over my heart drowning me in misery with nothing to breath but guilt.
Two weeks went by and now it was March and everyone was getting all giddy as spring start to rise into the air. We got a new Geometry teacher, her name was Miss. Héderváry. But because nobody could pronounce her name we called her Miss. H. Apparently a lot of other teachers knew her and she was most found of the Band teacher.
Rumors have been flying around too about Savannah, she hasn’t paid mind to them but I have and I don’t like it.
For my situation with English class, I moved my seat –might I had without permission- to the back row, I actually sat next to Karyan’s boyfriend, Roman. It felt somewhat better to have a friend distract me from the man in the front of class lecturing about the fine art of close reading to write a well-drawn out essay.
At first glance, it looked like Arthur was fine and doing well without me. That was good but it made me angry to know he was fine that I was gone but I was still hung on him. I broke up with him, he is meant to be lost without me.
But last week I discovered something. Every day before I got to lunch I will take the extra-long trip to go to the other side of the building to spy on Arthur for half of my lunch period. He sits at the window every day and smokes and he carries a flask on him now, drinking whatever liquor he so desires to have.
That’s why today was going to be different, this Friday in the month of March at 10:54 am, I was going to do something. I was leaving on the wall right next to the English classroom door; the book we had to read was in my hands. Staring at my hands I watched my knuckles turn white as I tightened and loosed my grip over and over again on the spine of the book.
I turned, peeking in the window in the door and watched as Arthur leaned back in his chair and ran his hands down his pale tired face. Dark bag were under his once glimmering eyes and his hair was even more messy than normal. Lose locks stuck up in random frizzy places.
I have been watching him, creepy right? But it bothers me that he is doing this to himself, I hate seeing it, so why not just ignore it? That’s just it, no matter how hard I try I can’t get Arthur out of my mind. And when I saw his little skit of have a day cigarette during lunch, I got disturbed so far to the point that I had to do something.
Could you watch him slowly kill himself? Hit rock bottom and make a bum of himself? I can’t watch Arthur in general anymore because if I do I end up get pissed off, then confused, then guilty and regretful. Imagine being bipolar, or worse those horrible mood swings from your period stay and make you feel crappy in the end no matter what and all you want to do is pig out on ice cream and then get pissed some more.
Waiting for the right moment, I watched him pull out a small white box and flipped the top opened. He moved to the window cracking it open and lighting himself one of those cancers on a stick.
That’s when I opened the door and dash over to his desk and stand right in front of him with a glare that I hoped was so powerful that knives would appear out of thin air and fly at him and stop him. “Arthur, what are you doing?” I demanded.
He leaned back away from me and his arms held tight behind his back. “(Na-Name)?” He stuttered out, his surprised look vanished and he scowled down at me. “You have no right behind here,” He started but I cut him off.
“Oh don’t start this authority bull shit with me Arthur!” I pressed my lips into a thin line and jabbed a finger at him then pointed to his right arm still held behind his back. “What is that?”
“It’s none of your business!” He hissed at me as he backed away as far as he could. If he went anymore he’d fall out the window. “W-why don’t you go to lunch or something; you don’t need to be here!” He snapped again.
I took in a deep breath and shook my head, “Okay, whatever Arthur, I don’t think you should be doing this though,” I pointed to the box of cigarettes on his desk, “Or this.” Then I pointed to the coat pocket he kept his flask in. “I’m sorry I ever even tried, it just upsets me to see you heading to rock bottom. I thought I could at least do something.” I stared down at the ground and gave a lazy wave of my hand and turned to leave.
I stopped at the door and stood there with the door knob in my hand for a few seconds staring at the ground. “Thanks for picking out this book for us to read, it-….it means a lot.” Translation I miss you
He didn’t say anything for some time so I turned back to look at him staring at me ringing his hands. “Yeah, I remember you talking about it. I thought you’d like to read it here.” Translation I miss you too.