My Psychology Project

 
An introduction in my early life
I would say the least is boring.
I was an ordinary child
With a complex mind.

I can’t say I’ll ever remember
How I felt before school.
But if I was given one word,
Just one,
I’d pick something no one would understand.

Growing up I was easily pleased
While being greedy and selfish.
But that’s easy.
Everyone does that at some point.

I don’t know what it is I felt
Other than loyalty or defiance as a young child.
I could listen like a dog
Or strut around with as much pride as a cat.

Life, early on, was good.
I was good.
But not happy, not always.
It was ordinary.
Simple.
Like everyone else.

~*~*~*~

I just want to belong.
Nothing more.
Nothing less
But I don’t know how many times I was denied.

Growing into who I am is plain.
But being left out,
And exiled is taboo
For anyone who’d care.

I was miserable.
I was alone
I was what I was
And that wasn’t normal in elementary school.

Recollections of this time
Are shrouded and torn
Like paper burning over candle’s light
As it’s ashes leave in the breeze.

Everything I know now
Is trapped in fog
And left to die
As it’s repressed from my torn heart.

You’ll want me to shed some light on why,
Why is it like this?
The only light I can provide is a low dim
In the night like the hidden shy moon
Crying behind its cloudy shades.

There simply was no safe place.
Nor home or school.
Family distrusted me.
Children ignored me.

And when they paid me my mind
I was humiliated for all
To mock
Laugh
And remember unlike me.

~*~*~*~

Cold,
As cold as the tundra’s biting winter,
As cold as the unknown depths of the sea,
As fake as the gold painted on plastic,
As fake as my smile plays today.

No longer did I let them bother me.
But I didn’t construct to how lonely I could be.
A broken home,
A broken heart.

I was a vase on a rotting shelf
Waiting to break into dust
Or fall to the floor and crack
As my little shelf, my flooring disappeared.

No one liked me
But they didn’t bully me
If that’s what you’re wondering
No, I wouldn’t let them anymore.

I fought back, but became ‘stone cold’
As I was called.
The girl in the front of class
Who knew all the answers
Who was smart but mean.
Who you didn’t talk to.

She was me
I was her
We were two different people.
A smile every now and then can hide all problems.

As a life comes crashing down to a terrible low point.
What little friends I did have, I had to give up.
What little hopes I made stolen away.
All my good memories.
Gone
Lost
But never forgotten
In the dying past of Middle School.

~*~*~*~

Ahh, the elegance of High School.
Times I have just started to learn about.
When I moved, I dreaded all.
But over my summer I was determined to start a new.

I was given the help I need.
And became less of a prick to say the least.
I still have my fair share of dread
And secrets as much as the next guy.

But I was given friends.
A word I hardly knew
Nor did I find comfortable.
I didn’t need to be broken again.

I placed that frozen smile on my face
That people say as a good sign
And ignored any tears on my face.
Whether they saw or did not, it didn’t matter.

Things happen to get better
But time doesn’t heal wounds.
You have to do that on your own,
Bandage the scars and take care of the cuts.

With a feeling of energy and pride
I moved through the day with ups and downs
As things around me came into a clearer, crisp view
Of just who I was.

Confusion is still my favorite word,
But I’m happy in an odd way
When around those I care for
While tending to my own.

I came out of my shell
I showed who I was
With all my colors
Like a flower in spring.

The effects of people around me
Doesn't bother me.
I’ve learned to not care
While I cared about me.

It was like that noble feeling
Right before Christmas.
As you peeked around the corner
To watch the present being laid to rest under the tree.

I’m only a teenage,
Defiance is in the job description
But it’s been with me all my life
And even now I hold it high with pride.

Life is simple again.
Ordinary.
Like everyone else.
The way it was meant to be.