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A/N: Over used title is over used. Felt like writing this after a conversation with a friend. Enjoy~!

My body ached, every limb hurt and screamed with ever slow step I took as I got closer to my goal. My feet throbbed in the high heels I wore, and my skin would give off chilled goose bumps with every burst of cold summer wind. The breeze caused a shutter and a muffled squeal to erupt from my chapped lips as it drifted up the skirt of my dress.

I bit my lower lip and went on with my slow limp like trot to my destination. I was not going to walk home. Not at this hour and when I lived so far away. Instead I was going to turn to a close friend of mine. Even in the state I was in, which was sweaty, dirty and slightly intoxicated, I knew I could trust him with my life.

Ludwig Beilschmidt was an average person in my book. Although the occasional burst of hardcore sex dreams came along with him in it. I thought nothing of my little dirty feelings for him. I never thought anything of them because sometimes I had those same feelings for some of my other friends. I was just a really horny person...when drunk. But I’m not about to tell anyone that Mr. Beilschmidt here is at the top of my must-fuck list.

I fumbled with trembling fingers for the spare key Ludwig gave me for his house a while back. When I finally got the key into the lock and flung open the door, I made the most dramatic of entrances and threw my bag to the floor and kick my heels off. Listening to them crash and fumble along the wooden floor down the hall.

In the living room, a crossed from the front door was once a calm German men reading from a book, now he was about to karate chop the shit out of me. I startled him, that was for sure, but once he saw me drag myself into the living room he glared with a stern gaze.

He wasn’t even given the chance to utter up a single word as he saw some of the contents in my bag back at the door. I didn’t care, I just did the most mother fucking majestic swan dive into his couch. And the bag? It was just a bunch of alcohol and a few other things of mine, nothing bad. Maybe some brushes, a few dollar bills. He probably was just upset about it making a mess on his clean floors.

“(Name)?” His voice drifted to me, where my face was stuck between the two couch cushions. “What are you doing here so late?”

I spoke, but it only came out as muffled grunts and moans so I rolled over a little too far and landed on the floor with the wind knocked out of me.  Obviously he could now tell I was just a little bit drunk. “I was at a party, and I got fucked up ok?” My sassy voice challenged him. “I am like, 100% sure Feliciano broke my hip dammit!”

I watched his face twist in confusion; I wonder what he was thinking? But he walked past me with his strict like pose to quickly take a seat in the chair next to the couch. “If you broke your hip you wouldn’t be able to walk,” He muttered harshly. His arms were crossed, and his face was slightly a dark shade of pink.

I rolled my eyes and sat back up on the couch, “Anyways, I didn’t want to walk all the way home, so I’d like to crash here for the night if that’s okay,”

“Sure, it’s fine,” He waved a hand and sat back a little more into his seat.

“Do you have any pain killers by the way? Your stupid brother really messed up my back,” There goes that twisted face again. But this time his cheeks turned a deep red with my following words “He really just fucking screwed me over too! I couldn’t believe him!”

His face was so dark and heated I could probably roast a marshmallow of it! I couldn’t really tell why but he got up and left. A few seconds later he came back with some pain killers and a glass of water. “Ah, Thanks Lud!” He grunted in response.

After taking the pills, I leaned over to place my glass on the coffee table, but I hissed out in pain clutching my ribs. “What the…?”

Ludwig was standing behind me, for the time beiing as he was about to head back into the kitchen but my painful growl stopped him with slight concern. But it was unbeknownst to me at the time that he was watching me pull down the corner of my dress to reveal a dark purple and brown blotch on my upper rib cage. “God dammit Alfred,” I muttered and slightly touch the bruise left on my side. I hiss out a mutter under my breath “I am so going to get him back for this,”

There was a sudden sound behind me and I turned around to catch a short glimpse of the blonde man rushing into the kitchen. What is up with him?

Not too long after that I grew bored and decided to venture into the kitchen. In there I found a slightly angry man compulsively scrubbing the same spot on his counter muttering German slurs under his breath. “Dude, if you keep rubbing on that spot you’ll put a hole in it,” He jumped ever so slightly at my voice causing me to giggle.

“Why don’t you go to bed, you look tired,” His voice dripped with disgust and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Well yeah, I had a rough night but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to hang out with you for a while. You’re my host aren’t you, why don’t we have some fun?” I crossed my arms and leaned on the large arch way into the kitchen. I watched a brow twitch on his pink dusted face and his jaw tighten up.

He huffed out a breath and stood up straight with a slight grimace. “Fine, what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged and felt my memories come back to me slowly, “Hold on a second, you know what?”


“You should have shown up to the party Ludwig, you could have had so much fun! Actually I thought you’d be there!”

He rolled his eyes with crossed arms and walks around the kitchen’s island to stand in front of it, leaning back with a stern gaze. “And why would I show up to something like that?”

“It just seemed like your kind of thing. And I thought if Gilbert was there you’d be too. I mean, you should have shown up! Everyone was having so much fun!” I threw my hands dramatically and walked to stand right in front of him. “Well, some of us got a little beat up after all the fun and games started. But a few dozen drinks of booze later and everything was a bliss dream!”

I laughed when he raised a brow again and slowly shook his head. He uncrossed his arms and walked over to the fridge and got himself a beer. Not even offering me one seeing as I was still a tiny bit tipsy. He kept muttering things to himself under his breath. It was a bit odd to say the least.

“Oh! And in one of the games we added in spin the bottle with some poker and I shit you not Ludwig, things went downhill from there. People were getting all up in the wiz biz man,” I followed him, even if he didn’t want me to, into the living room.

The permanently look of a stern stare was on his face, his brow slightly knitted together but he made himself comfortable in his favorite chair. I started to chatter on like a jabber jay and I couldn’t help but notice a lot of the time he’d look away from me with a red face. I found it kind of cute and almost like a turn on, but I had no idea why he seemed to be blushing so much. And he never interrupted me too. It kind of set me off, and I knew something was up because he would just drink his beer and act like he was ignoring me. I knew he wasn’t from the look on his face.

“Is something wrong?” I finally asked and he gave me a look. What is up with him! Seriously is it something I said?

“Oh I don’t know,” The sarcasm is strong in this one, “Just sounds like you’ve been a bit lucky tonight that’s all,” Was he pissed or was that just me? What did I do!?

“Well, uh, not really,”

“Hmphm” He let out a grunt and turned away with a blush again. “Well it might explain how you look right now,” I did look like a mess, and I was sore, drunk and grumpy. What’s that got to do with anything!? I just got back from a good party that was somewhat in my favor! And….was that jealousy I heard?

“Dude, calm down, I know I’m a mess right now but so what?” I gave a cheeky grin and bit at my bottom lip. “What did you want me to show up all dazzled and shiny right after a long night of drunken party fun?” Okay, maybe I wasn’t that drunk anymore but I still had enough in me to let out my teasing side.

He didn’t say anything but let out a harsh sigh. So I went on, I wanted to know what the hell he was thinking. And Ludwig’s not one for his words. He doesn’t words people, he just doesn’t know how to words. “Besides, Ludwig I think your acting a little jealous about something,”

“I am not,” He scoffed.

“Are too,”

“Am not,”

“Are too!”

“Prove it!” He snapped and gave me a cold glare. Honestly it sent a few shivers of fear through me but I sucked it up and went on.

“Every time I talk about something I did with someone you get pissed and blush like hell’s fire. What’s up with that man? It seems to me you want to go to the party now~” I grinned with self-satisfaction.  “And I soooo could see you leaving everyone there just in a pile on the floor. You’d be so boss at the party I just know it. Like, really Lud I have no doubt that you’d be a fucking beast!”

He gave me that look again and he tried ignoring me. But I was feeling to confidant in myself and I kept going on. “And I beat if you showed up everything would be so long and harder to do!” I let out a tired sigh and flopped onto my back on the couch. “It’d take us forever to even finish half the stuff! You’d be the master of everything! And once everyone starts drinking it’d be so much more fun!” I pulled at one of my lose strands of hairs giving out along long sigh. “It would have been so much better if you showed up Lud, even if you’d beat the shit out of everyone. It’d be worth it to see you having some real fun once in a while.” Really, think about all the games he’d win if he just relaxed a bit more. If he actually played those games a bit more.

“Oh and think about how much fun Feliciano would have! He might get a little scared at first like he always does but that’s fine~ I mean, he can’t be half as bad as Lovino. Dude he really hurt me I shit you not.” When I looked back to Ludwig, his eyes where closed tight and his face was extremely red. I ignored it for a few more seconds and rolled onto my stomach. “Next time I play twister with them I’m bringing armor.”

“....Twister?” I moved my gaze up to Ludwig and he looked truly confused.

I slowly lifted a brow, “Uhh, yeah. We played twister with like eight people and some poker. Then he had some paint ball war, didn’t Gilbert tell you all of this? He told me he called you and said that’s what the party was about and he wanted you to show up but you never did. What else would I be talking about?”

A heavy breath escaped him and he slowly brushed a hand through his lose blonde hair. “You know,” He started with that I-just-don’t-give-a-fuck-anymore attitude and stood up. “Sometimes, you lead people on to well (Name),” He paused and I actually think I saw the smallest flash of a sexy smile on his face. “Next time you talk about one of your parties, don’t make it sound like an orgy,” He walked past me and into the kitchen leaving me speechless.

~*~*~*~*~*~(Extended Ending)~*~*~*~*~*~

Gilbert stumbled up the front steps of his house. He was tired, slightly drunk and just wanted to curl up in his bed and slip into a millennium long slumber. He placed a hand on his lower back, pushing it in with a stretch. “Damn, this is the last time I play twister at Alfred’s house.” He slowly opened the door.

Such a shame he was bombarded with yells and screams of arguments in the kitchen. He only took a step in and froze listening.

“Oh! You really think it’s that hard to be a pervert!?” Was….Was that Ludwig?!

“I bet it’s not the only thing hard around here!” (N-Name)! What!? I don’t even...

“I have a feeling that you’d want something like that!”

“Mhmmmm really, that’s all I ever wanted! A nice long, hard, dick headed ass hole like you!” Such sarcasm at its finest.

“I know it is, I saw your list,” Was that a tease in his brother’s voice or was that just him? “Guess who’s got two thumbs and is at the top of that list? This guy!

There was silence and Gilbert took a step inside but he immediately regretted it.

“Oh pa-leas-ee! Don’t get me start on the porno mags Ludwig! I’ve seen them!” There was the sound of a draw being opened and pages flying. “See! You even hide one in your cook books!”

“And that’s not different from you and your six vibratos!”

“Why would you know about that!?” Something was hit, maybe a table? Or a face? “It is so not as bad as your BDSM fetish! You know, I could just go in your room a see all the shit you get into! You are sadist! You love tying people up! You are the pervert here!”

Gilbert was extremely confused, this was by far the most interesting conversation he has ever listened to!

“Why don’t you just suck it up and take this like a man!” (Name)’s voice seemed prideful causing a snicker from Gilbert.

“Oh you know I will, but why don’t you try sucking something you can actually fit in your mouth!?” His brother’s voice yelled with pure anger. This was too good!

“Oh my god! Ludwig stop being so childish! You thought I had an orgy with my friends!  Really, get over it! If I was going to have an orgy I’d need the King of Perverts there!”

“You mean Gilbert?”

“...” Nothing was said for a while, but soon a hushed “God Dammit,” Was heard. “Actually, no, it’s still you because for all I know Gilbert might be as boring as a white wall!”

“God Dammit! (Name)! He is fucking to the same god damn shit I’m into!-”

“Ha!” (Name)’s voice laughed with pride, “You just admitted into being into that stuff! And thanks for the deets on Gilbert! But at least he accepts his horny dick side and doesn’t hide it! You know he flings that thing around left and right so why don’t you!?”

That kind of hurt, it hurt Gilbert right in the feels. But not as much as the next words his brother spoke.

“I’m not like Gilbert because I don’t jack off as much as he does and I’m not a fucking man whore! Why do you think he’s friend with that fucking idiot Francis!?”

“God dammit,” (Name) seemed to calm down, “That doesn’t change the fact that you are still in denial about being a huge pervert! Just accept it okay!?”

“I am not! You are never going to let me live this down are you?”

“Never, because you can never keep it down!”

Gilbert quickly left the house. A sad lonely fake tear ran down the side of his face as he muttered “Much sexual tension. Such sadness,” He didn’t make it very far, he fell and passed out on the front stairs.
I think Germany is by far the most perverted of all the Hetalia countries. Simply for the fact that, in Germany the invitation to go out and get a cup of coffee together in the evening from a German man, often means an invitation to going back and to have sex with him afterwards. And also in Germany, sex is compared to a common work out in fitness. So sex=fitness there. Sex is a work out in Germany.

Also, another fun fact about Germany is the funny part, the farther east you go (Prussia being East Germany from what himaruya has hinted in his blog) the more public nudity you'll find :eyes: 

Here, have fun you Germany loving fans and read this if you get the chance:…

It's a blog about things most German people do, it's really funny actually. To make it funnier, while reading, just Imagine Ludwig doing these things okay? Yeah, prepare to laugh...a lot. (I did sooo :I) And I'd say a lot of this is true because I had my dad read (He's German, born and raised in Germany, duh) And he agrees with a lot of and he laughed at a lot of it to xDDDD

And notable, my favorite part of that blog; 133: Germans like going to Ikea just to eat hotdogs. 



Germany is the worlds biggest pervert in my book. Nuff said

Picture found on google(c) to it's owner



Omg you guys stop it this has like so many comments and Favs- I can't even

This belongs in the trash....... with the rest of my life and writing</s>

Anyways thank you all so much for all the love this has gotten~! You guys are all wonderful people!

Add a Comment:
D3ATH-THR3AT Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2016  New Deviant Hobbyist Filmographer
" So Long and Harder Too! " - you have took sin to a whole new level.
GlitchyArtist Featured By Owner May 5, 2016
SirensAblaze Featured By Owner May 5, 2016
AwesomePrussianBlue Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2016  New Deviant
I haven't read it yet but I'm excited (for some reason~) because of zhe title! :D
LoneWolf2732 Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2016  Hobbyist
Much sexual tension. such sadness. pfttttt freakin Gil is like me
Honorary-Marauder Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2016
Mother of all plot twists. I never even thought about twister.
ilovemygaarabear Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2016
Is there like a lemon part were they just like start making out and then Ludwig just fucks her🍻
Everyonesdiferent Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2016
Yurirei-senpai Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Pfft... Gilbert's dramatic exit.
Mainoko Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2015
Awww poor Gilbert! Not his feels.... but Oh well, it was way too funny. XD 
Kawaii-Hawaii456 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2015
I... LOVE THISJunko Enoshima (Kawaii Blush) [V5] 
Readeroffate Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2015
I don't know if it's the coffee high, the Mountain Dew high, or both but I can't stop laughing.
No1sp3cial Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2015
wow... im really a pervert I was thinking the same as luddy... he is like... same pervyness as me but he is dominate
seffykoepsel Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
omg, that last bit with the arguing, i'm laughing so hard my mother is looking at me like i'm insane or high.
Kennnyhansen Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2015
Wait wtf was that a true fact about German men and them inviting people out to coffee? o///o :shocked:
PandaPlueBoo Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2015
Mainoko Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2015
Same, poor guy XD
ScarletteLps Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2015
Dear lord...

What the fucking hell did I read?

I'm just going to go die of laughter now..

And this was my reaction to reading the description:…

(Just replace JonTron with TheOtakuPerson)
PrincessDimondHeart Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2015
Oh my god that was epic!!!! 😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭
Rainbowcat123456 Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
KillJoyDreadGhost Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2015
I just imagine that sad lonely fake tear: Forever alone 
AliceMichaelisShinji Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
"They" see me partying , they hatin .... 
SilverFox1025 Featured By Owner May 21, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
This made me laugh so hard I couldn't breathe. I didn't think the link in the description could be much better. I was so freaking wrong! That was too funny!
MexicoOfHetalia Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2015
Melody-lyric Featured By Owner May 14, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
then reader walks outside and trips on Gilbert's body and screams for Ludwig to come drag his body inside
This is amazing XD
Redmoonwolfe Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2015
*loling so are can even talk*
RaSkylar Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Much sexual tension
Such sadness
Kitteh19 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2015  Student Digital Artist
Sexual tension:
its spreading 0_o

XD awesome story!
Lforeverisa Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2015
Awwww poor Gilbert! *pick Gil up and tuck him to bed*
minecraf14 Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Awww poor Gilbert XP
SmexyAndAwesome Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
hdisufg siefbsei ufs  so awesome i loved this sooooo much, much laugh, such lolz 
Mow-face Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
(Dying of laughter)
kurino-sama-alpha Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2015
oh god that list is awesome.
i can just imagine Germany doing all of those things.
and Germany is the world's biggest pervert.
QueenRandomTheFirst Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Just remember when the Italy's called Germany when their curls got stuck together...
CuddleMuffinZ Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:icondoge-plz: Very much fun. Such awsome. Wow. :iconlunaclapplz:
Bunnygoblin Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2015
It was pretty funny
DestinyMace Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Zhis iz awesome. I............. Can't even say how much I laughed during this!!!!!
LauniSmooth Featured By Owner Edited Feb 18, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist

"I didn’t care, I just did the most mother fucking majestic swan dive into his couch." This is now my favorite quote!!!!! 💖😁😆😝😂
BlackVortex1324 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
That conversation was freaking fascinating!
Hetalianforlife123 Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2015  Hobbyist Writer

reader-chan stormed out of Germany-sans house to trip over Prussia-San, then reader-chan blacked out and Germany-San pulled them inside

imania15 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
... what did he do after that.... 
Hetalianforlife123 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2015  Hobbyist Writer

i dunno dumped them on the couch and went to bed
imania15 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
*dirty mind mode* oh .....
Hetalianforlife123 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2015  Hobbyist Writer

i kinda  da expected you to write something perverted


ya can't fuck someone who is sleeping
imania15 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hetalianforlife123 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
That would be weird

you just go at em

and they suddenly wake up like


imania15 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Lol how would they respond to that? "Uuuhhh Noothing~" XD
(1 Reply)
Part 2?
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