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Submitted on
January 8, 2014
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A/N: Over used title is over used. Felt like writing this after a conversation with a friend. Enjoy~!

My body ached, every limb hurt and screamed with ever slow step I took as I got closer to my goal. My feet throbbed in the high heels I wore, and my skin would give off chilled goose bumps with every burst of cold summer wind. The breeze caused a shutter and a muffled squeal to erupt from my chapped lips as it drifted up the skirt of my dress.

I bit my lower lip and went on with my slow limp like trot to my destination. I was not going to walk home. Not at this hour and when I lived so far away. Instead I was going to turn to a close friend of mine. Even in the state I was in, which was sweaty, dirty and slightly intoxicated, I knew I could trust him with my life.

Ludwig Beilschmidt was an average person in my book. Although the occasional burst of hardcore sex dreams came along with him in it. I thought nothing of my little dirty feelings for him. I never thought anything of them because sometimes I had those same feelings for some of my other friends. I was just a really horny person...when drunk. But I’m not about to tell anyone that Mr. Beilschmidt here is at the top of my must-fuck list.

I fumbled with trembling fingers for the spare key Ludwig gave me for his house a while back. When I finally got the key into the lock and flung open the door, I made the most dramatic of entrances and threw my bag to the floor and kick my heels off. Listening to them crash and fumble along the wooden floor down the hall.

In the living room, a crossed from the front door was once a calm German men reading from a book, now he was about to karate chop the shit out of me. I startled him, that was for sure, but once he saw me drag myself into the living room he glared with a stern gaze.

He wasn’t even given the chance to utter up a single word as he saw some of the contents in my bag back at the door. I didn’t care, I just did the most mother fucking majestic swan dive into his couch. And the bag? It was just a bunch of alcohol and a few other things of mine, nothing bad. Maybe some brushes, a few dollar bills. He probably was just upset about it making a mess on his clean floors.

“(Name)?” His voice drifted to me, where my face was stuck between the two couch cushions. “What are you doing here so late?”

I spoke, but it only came out as muffled grunts and moans so I rolled over a little too far and landed on the floor with the wind knocked out of me.  Obviously he could now tell I was just a little bit drunk. “I was at a party, and I got fucked up ok?” My sassy voice challenged him. “I am like, 100% sure Feliciano broke my hip dammit!”

I watched his face twist in confusion; I wonder what he was thinking? But he walked past me with his strict like pose to quickly take a seat in the chair next to the couch. “If you broke your hip you wouldn’t be able to walk,” He muttered harshly. His arms were crossed, and his face was slightly a dark shade of pink.

I rolled my eyes and sat back up on the couch, “Anyways, I didn’t want to walk all the way home, so I’d like to crash here for the night if that’s okay,”

“Sure, it’s fine,” He waved a hand and sat back a little more into his seat.

“Do you have any pain killers by the way? Your stupid brother really messed up my back,” There goes that twisted face again. But this time his cheeks turned a deep red with my following words “He really just fucking screwed me over too! I couldn’t believe him!”

His face was so dark and heated I could probably roast a marshmallow of it! I couldn’t really tell why but he got up and left. A few seconds later he came back with some pain killers and a glass of water. “Ah, Thanks Lud!” He grunted in response.

After taking the pills, I leaned over to place my glass on the coffee table, but I hissed out in pain clutching my ribs. “What the…?”

Ludwig was standing behind me, for the time beiing as he was about to head back into the kitchen but my painful growl stopped him with slight concern. But it was unbeknownst to me at the time that he was watching me pull down the corner of my dress to reveal a dark purple and brown blotch on my upper rib cage. “God dammit Alfred,” I muttered and slightly touch the bruise left on my side. I hiss out a mutter under my breath “I am so going to get him back for this,”

There was a sudden sound behind me and I turned around to catch a short glimpse of the blonde man rushing into the kitchen. What is up with him?

Not too long after that I grew bored and decided to venture into the kitchen. In there I found a slightly angry man compulsively scrubbing the same spot on his counter muttering German slurs under his breath. “Dude, if you keep rubbing on that spot you’ll put a hole in it,” He jumped ever so slightly at my voice causing me to giggle.

“Why don’t you go to bed, you look tired,” His voice dripped with disgust and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Well yeah, I had a rough night but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to hang out with you for a while. You’re my host aren’t you, why don’t we have some fun?” I crossed my arms and leaned on the large arch way into the kitchen. I watched a brow twitch on his pink dusted face and his jaw tighten up.

He huffed out a breath and stood up straight with a slight grimace. “Fine, what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged and felt my memories come back to me slowly, “Hold on a second, you know what?”


“You should have shown up to the party Ludwig, you could have had so much fun! Actually I thought you’d be there!”

He rolled his eyes with crossed arms and walks around the kitchen’s island to stand in front of it, leaning back with a stern gaze. “And why would I show up to something like that?”

“It just seemed like your kind of thing. And I thought if Gilbert was there you’d be too. I mean, you should have shown up! Everyone was having so much fun!” I threw my hands dramatically and walked to stand right in front of him. “Well, some of us got a little beat up after all the fun and games started. But a few dozen drinks of booze later and everything was a bliss dream!”

I laughed when he raised a brow again and slowly shook his head. He uncrossed his arms and walked over to the fridge and got himself a beer. Not even offering me one seeing as I was still a tiny bit tipsy. He kept muttering things to himself under his breath. It was a bit odd to say the least.

“Oh! And in one of the games we added in spin the bottle with some poker and I shit you not Ludwig, things went downhill from there. People were getting all up in the wiz biz man,” I followed him, even if he didn’t want me to, into the living room.

The permanently look of a stern stare was on his face, his brow slightly knitted together but he made himself comfortable in his favorite chair. I started to chatter on like a jabber jay and I couldn’t help but notice a lot of the time he’d look away from me with a red face. I found it kind of cute and almost like a turn on, but I had no idea why he seemed to be blushing so much. And he never interrupted me too. It kind of set me off, and I knew something was up because he would just drink his beer and act like he was ignoring me. I knew he wasn’t from the look on his face.

“Is something wrong?” I finally asked and he gave me a look. What is up with him! Seriously is it something I said?

“Oh I don’t know,” The sarcasm is strong in this one, “Just sounds like you’ve been a bit lucky tonight that’s all,” Was he pissed or was that just me? What did I do!?

“Well, uh, not really,”

“Hmphm” He let out a grunt and turned away with a blush again. “Well it might explain how you look right now,” I did look like a mess, and I was sore, drunk and grumpy. What’s that got to do with anything!? I just got back from a good party that was somewhat in my favor! And….was that jealousy I heard?

“Dude, calm down, I know I’m a mess right now but so what?” I gave a cheeky grin and bit at my bottom lip. “What did you want me to show up all dazzled and shiny right after a long night of drunken party fun?” Okay, maybe I wasn’t that drunk anymore but I still had enough in me to let out my teasing side.

He didn’t say anything but let out a harsh sigh. So I went on, I wanted to know what the hell he was thinking. And Ludwig’s not one for his words. He doesn’t words people, he just doesn’t know how to words. “Besides, Ludwig I think your acting a little jealous about something,”

“I am not,” He scoffed.

“Are too,”

“Am not,”

“Are too!”

“Prove it!” He snapped and gave me a cold glare. Honestly it sent a few shivers of fear through me but I sucked it up and went on.

“Every time I talk about something I did with someone you get pissed and blush like hell’s fire. What’s up with that man? It seems to me you want to go to the party now~” I grinned with self-satisfaction.  “And I soooo could see you leaving everyone there just in a pile on the floor. You’d be so boss at the party I just know it. Like, really Lud I have no doubt that you’d be a fucking beast!”

He gave me that look again and he tried ignoring me. But I was feeling to confidant in myself and I kept going on. “And I beat if you showed up everything would be so long and harder to do!” I let out a tired sigh and flopped onto my back on the couch. “It’d take us forever to even finish half the stuff! You’d be the master of everything! And once everyone starts drinking it’d be so much more fun!” I pulled at one of my lose strands of hairs giving out along long sigh. “It would have been so much better if you showed up Lud, even if you’d beat the shit out of everyone. It’d be worth it to see you having some real fun once in a while.” Really, think about all the games he’d win if he just relaxed a bit more. If he actually played those games a bit more.

“Oh and think about how much fun Feliciano would have! He might get a little scared at first like he always does but that’s fine~ I mean, he can’t be half as bad as Lovino. Dude he really hurt me I shit you not.” When I looked back to Ludwig, his eyes where closed tight and his face was extremely red. I ignored it for a few more seconds and rolled onto my stomach. “Next time I play twister with them I’m bringing armor.”

“....Twister?” I moved my gaze up to Ludwig and he looked truly confused.

I slowly lifted a brow, “Uhh, yeah. We played twister with like eight people and some poker. Then he had some paint ball war, didn’t Gilbert tell you all of this? He told me he called you and said that’s what the party was about and he wanted you to show up but you never did. What else would I be talking about?”

A heavy breath escaped him and he slowly brushed a hand through his lose blonde hair. “You know,” He started with that I-just-don’t-give-a-fuck-anymore attitude and stood up. “Sometimes, you lead people on to well (Name),” He paused and I actually think I saw the smallest flash of a sexy smile on his face. “Next time you talk about one of your parties, don’t make it sound like an orgy,” He walked past me and into the kitchen leaving me speechless.

~*~*~*~*~*~(Extended Ending)~*~*~*~*~*~

Gilbert stumbled up the front steps of his house. He was tired, slightly drunk and just wanted to curl up in his bed and slip into a millennium long slumber. He placed a hand on his lower back, pushing it in with a stretch. “Damn, this is the last time I play twister at Alfred’s house.” He slowly opened the door.

Such a shame he was bombarded with yells and screams of arguments in the kitchen. He only took a step in and froze listening.

“Oh! You really think it’s that hard to be a pervert!?” Was….Was that Ludwig?!

“I bet it’s not the only thing hard around here!” (N-Name)! What!? I don’t even...

“I have a feeling that you’d want something like that!”

“Mhmmmm really, that’s all I ever wanted! A nice long, hard, dick headed ass hole like you!” Such sarcasm at its finest.

“I know it is, I saw your list,” Was that a tease in his brother’s voice or was that just him? “Guess who’s got two thumbs and is at the top of that list? This guy!

There was silence and Gilbert took a step inside but he immediately regretted it.

“Oh pa-leas-ee! Don’t get me start on the porno mags Ludwig! I’ve seen them!” There was the sound of a draw being opened and pages flying. “See! You even hide one in your cook books!”

“And that’s not different from you and your six vibratos!”

“Why would you know about that!?” Something was hit, maybe a table? Or a face? “It is so not as bad as your BDSM fetish! You know, I could just go in your room a see all the shit you get into! You are sadist! You love tying people up! You are the pervert here!”

Gilbert was extremely confused, this was by far the most interesting conversation he has ever listened to!

“Why don’t you just suck it up and take this like a man!” (Name)’s voice seemed prideful causing a snicker from Gilbert.

“Oh you know I will, but why don’t you try sucking something you can actually fit in your mouth!?” His brother’s voice yelled with pure anger. This was too good!

“Oh my god! Ludwig stop being so childish! You thought I had an orgy with my friends!  Really, get over it! If I was going to have an orgy I’d need the King of Perverts there!”

“You mean Gilbert?”

“...” Nothing was said for a while, but soon a hushed “God Dammit,” Was heard. “Actually, no, it’s still you because for all I know Gilbert might be as boring as a white wall!”

“God Dammit! (Name)! He is fucking to the same god damn shit I’m into!-”

“Ha!” (Name)’s voice laughed with pride, “You just admitted into being into that stuff! And thanks for the deets on Gilbert! But at least he accepts his horny dick side and doesn’t hide it! You know he flings that thing around left and right so why don’t you!?”

That kind of hurt, it hurt Gilbert right in the feels. But not as much as the next words his brother spoke.

“I’m not like Gilbert because I don’t jack off as much as he does and I’m not a fucking man whore! Why do you think he’s friend with that fucking idiot Francis!?”

“God dammit,” (Name) seemed to calm down, “That doesn’t change the fact that you are still in denial about being a huge pervert! Just accept it okay!?”

“I am not! You are never going to let me live this down are you?”

“Never, because you can never keep it down!”

Gilbert quickly left the house. A sad lonely fake tear ran down the side of his face as he muttered “Much sexual tension. Such sadness,” He didn’t make it very far, he fell and passed out on the front stairs.
I think Germany is by far the most perverted of all the Hetalia countries. Simply for the fact that, in Germany the invitation to go out and get a cup of coffee together in the evening from a German man, often means an invitation to going back and to have sex with him afterwards. And also in Germany, sex is compared to a common work out in fitness. So sex=fitness there. Sex is a work out in Germany.

Also, another fun fact about Germany is the funny part, the farther east you go (Prussia being East Germany from what himaruya has hinted in his blog) the more public nudity you'll find :eyes: 

Here, have fun you Germany loving fans and read this if you get the chance:…

It's a blog about things most German people do, it's really funny actually. To make it funnier, while reading, just Imagine Ludwig doing these things okay? Yeah, prepare to laugh...a lot. (I did sooo :I) And I'd say a lot of this is true because I had my dad read (He's German, born and raised in Germany, duh) And he agrees with a lot of and he laughed at a lot of it to xDDDD

And notable, my favorite part of that blog; 133: Germans like going to Ikea just to eat hotdogs. 



Germany is the worlds biggest pervert in my book. Nuff said

Picture found on google(c) to it's owner



Omg you guys stop it this has like so many comments and Favs- I can't even

This belongs in the trash....... with the rest of my life and writing</s>

Anyways thank you all so much for all the love this has gotten~! You guys are all wonderful people!

Add a Comment:
AquaAKAMultiOmggirl Featured By Owner 6 days ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
... is it sad to say I'd be gilbert in this just not the man-whore thing? :iconprussiasmirkplz:
ShadowHal Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2015
make a part 2 please
hetaliafangirl01 Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
YellowVixen Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2014  Hobbyist
oh dear god XD
I couldn't stop laughing at the end xD
howaboutfuckoff Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer


And if anyone is a pervert, it's me AYYYYY. 
InsightfulPsychopath Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2015  New member
howaboutfuckoff Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
What has Japan seen? o.O
InsightfulPsychopath Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2015  New member
You said Hory Sheet.
howaboutfuckoff Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
I did say Hory Sheet! (I secretly want to be Japan-)
InsightfulPsychopath Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2015  New member
Don't we all. Look at this guy!
hetaliafangirl01 Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
so kawaii~
howaboutfuckoff Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
So beautiful!
InsightfulPsychopath Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2015  New member
GamerGirl0002 Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Poor Gilbert * runs out of door and hugs him* fuck u Ludwig
FandomDoll Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2014  New member
*falls on the floor laughing* Gilbert's tooooooo drunk
LuckRose Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2014
AliceDae Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
To big to fit in my mouth, eh?

That's not what she said
InsightfulPsychopath Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2015  New member
You mean he.
StarfallVulpixGirl Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Poor Prussia XD
blahblahblah0987654 Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2014  Student Writer
BeigeCascade Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This hit me right in the giggle feels ;-)
Fantasyfan100 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2014
Wow. Words cannot describe how amazingly fabulous that was. AND I HAVE A MUST-FUCK LIST! WOOOO!!
Kay-Love-Pain17 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2014  Student Writer
U v U thank you!
Fantasyfan100 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2014
You are most welcome awesome Writer-chan.
HetaliaLover10113 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014
This...i-it got the Prussian Stamp of Approval. Congrats...
Kay-Love-Pain17 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks o v o
TattoedMaiden Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
  1. Germans extract a curiously large amount of pleasure from the acts of giving, receiving and processing paperwork. They revel in it. Photocopy it. Sign it. Photocopy it again. Roll in it. Cover themselves with it and inhale the scent of paper.
  2. The mullet is alive and well in Germany.

....................................I freaking died at those two. They rest made me writhe on the floor laughing.
Kay-Love-Pain17 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Student Writer
Ikr, it's so funny!
BebeBonita12 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Just fuck already they know they want to :3
ScreamofDeath03 Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2014
ashleySrox Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Jesus I think this is the best thing I've ever read. Anna squee  I'm never looking at my German friend the same anymore after reading that description...PewDiePie - Wat 
Kay-Love-Pain17 Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2014  Student Writer
> u < Thank you~!
Anime-Freak23456 Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2014
an ogy is an orgasm party there has to be atleast 5 or 6 people for it to count as an ogy. Its kinda like a three some but with more people
Zanni-Zanna Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2014
Prussia was much so sad :'( just do it already!! X33
novadragonheart81 Featured By Owner May 30, 2014
Such Prussia
Japan343 Featured By Owner May 23, 2014
Poor Prussia....

Jenny345 Featured By Owner May 21, 2014
.... Gilbert!!! Gilbert!!!*Runs after him* *Finds him passed out on the front stairs* Gilbert I'm sorry. *Kneels down and picks him up and holds him* Gilbert I am so sorry. Waaaah! Gilbert...

Gilbert: (Name) what are you doing?

Me: Apologizing.

Gilbert: For what?

Me: For everything.

Gilbert: Aw Frau... *Hugs me*
TheKitKatArtist Featured By Owner May 14, 2014  Student General Artist
Dude... like just screw each other already..we both know y poo u want to...
Lousiey Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Doge prussia
PortgasDRani Featured By Owner May 6, 2014  Hobbyist
XD Poor poor Gilbert. BTW, what's an orgy--? //shot
Kay-Love-Pain17 Featured By Owner May 7, 2014  Student Writer
PortgasDRani Featured By Owner May 10, 2014  Hobbyist
No seriously, WHAT'S AN ORGY? D:
Kay-Love-Pain17 Featured By Owner May 10, 2014  Student Writer
It's when a large number of people have sex together o v o
PortgasDRani Featured By Owner May 18, 2014  Hobbyist
O v O *backs away slowly with hands in the air* O.o I think you may have broken my mind... :iconmindblownplz:
Iloveme123499 Featured By Owner May 5, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Omg That ending  I nearly fell outta bed xD
AssassinFox00 Featured By Owner May 1, 2014  Student Artist
when i first read this, i thought, 'this was no party, this is fight club for sure for sure!' and Prussias not a man whore!
MKSmokesWifey Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014
Kay-Love-Pain17 Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014  Student Writer
xDDD lol Thank you!
ElizabethAudrey Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Gil's last words before leaving! XDDoge 
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